from MESSY to TIDY in 10 MIN
UGH!
I have been there. Everywhere you look, everywhere you try to sit down, there is a HUGE mess. I was a full time mom with 5 children all under 7 years old. I quickly realized that I could not do all of the work required to maintain our home. Even though I tried to do it by myself, I needed some help.
I kept thinking, I am a nurse with a college degree. I used to take care of several sick patients at one time. Surely I can figure out how to manage a home with 5 HEALTHY children. Through lots of trial and error, I figured out the key to enlisting the help of our young children.
NOT WHAT YOU THINK
CLEANING MYTH #1
I NEED TIME TO CLEAN
You don't need a huge chuck of time to get it cleaned. It is guaranteed that those people who made that mess will be back and make a mess AGAIN!
CLEANING MYTH #2
CLEANING WILL STRESS MY KIDS
According to research, requiring your kids to do chores on a regular basis may be associated with them having better academic performance and problem-solving skills.
CLEANING MYTH #3
WE WILL JUST END UP FIGHTING
Push the RESET button on your home! I can't wait to share 3 simple steps that will get you on the road to success!
CLEANING MYTH #4
I NEED A MAID
Look! Maid's cost money. Even if you can afford one, you are not teaching your kids to take responsibility.
STEP 1 : CELEBRATE
You read that right! You may be sitting in the middle of the mess, expecting to find out exactly how to bring forth this miracle, and the first step is to celebrate?
Now, before you say some expletives or put this book in the trash, know this is a genius plan. You have heard the saying, “you catch more flies with honey instead of vinegar.” That idiomatic expression could not be more accurate for where you are right now. Not to draw a parallel between your children and flies, but you can win them over with a sweet celebration.
I know this seems very counter-intuitive. From where you are sitting right now, the last thing you want to do is “reward” the messy little people.
But you are celebrating the day in which everything in your home is about to change for the good. You are opening the door for the miracle you are about to experience. It’s a pep rally of sorts. Seriously!
Regarding your little ones, on a more scientific level, you are causing dopamine, the brain’s feel-good chemical, to be increased. The neurons in their brain are getting fired up. They begin to have positive feelings that will be receptive to wiring in new habits.
You will create a feel-good moment that you can now utilize as a platform to get their attention and recruit them to help pick up the house.
Bake some cookies!
So, bake a batch of cookies, a pie, or a cake. Go to your favorite bakery and get something special. Even better, go out for an exceptional ice cream treat. You know what your kids like most. Indulge. It is cause for a celebration. You are changing the course of your home management for good!
While you are sitting and enjoying your special treat together, explain why the celebration.
Explain that this is a big day for your family. It is the day your family becomes a team to win against the mess in your home. It is the day you will become the coach and plan the plays that will ultimately cause your family to be winners.
How much you believe that last paragraph and how much you “sell” it to the little people is directly proportional to how convinced and excited they get. Younger kids are a bit easier to persuade. However, you will still need to dig deep and gather yourself as the adult in this scenario. You will need to let them know that this is the day things will change for the better.
Then go on to help them understand the following two steps, which we will explore in the next couple of chapters.
STEP 2 : GIVE A 5 MINUTE WARNING
In American Football, there is a 2-minute warning given at the end of each half of the game. It helps players know that their window of opportunity to make the plays before the end of the half is closing fast. Many good children’s experts recommend giving children a 5-minute warning that they are going to be changing direction and doing a different activity. This is especially important when they are in the middle of playing.
For children, this transition means no longer being at the helm of thinking on their own (playing) and then stopping to submit themselves to your thinking (cleaning up). When you give a 5-minute warning, they start to think about their transition. They begin to process that their window of opportunity is closing. They get that one last move in before playtime is over. Allowing them that time to transition shows them respect. It decreases their frustration and anxiety. Ultimately, it grows trust in your relationship.
“Clean-up in five minutes!”
Like us, you will find that you will use this super important signaling in almost every part of your parenting.
After you explain the reason for the celebration, describe to your children what a 5-minute warning is. If they are younger, you could play game, set your timer for only 1 minute, and have them put their utensils down and wait to take another bite or drink for an entire minute. While you are waiting, have them hold up one hand with all five fingers and then one with only one finger. Tell them this timer is ONLY one minute. Imagine how hard it would be to wait to eat their treat if it was five whole minutes.
Tell them you understand playing is essential to them and you want to respect that. That is why you will give them five whole minutes of a warning. You want them to have time to think about changing activities so that when it is time to pick up, everyone can focus on the mess and win.
STEP 3 : GET YOUR 10 MINUTE MIRACLE
Now for introducing young minds to the art of ushering in the 10-Minute Miracle. You will probably be done with your celebratory treat but ride that one last wave and take advantage of that sugar rush! Tell them that when that 5-minute warning timer goes off, everybody will freeze in place. You will then say a child’s name, and they will look at you to hear their job. They will then repeat back to you their job and can unfreeze to go start doing the job. You will repeat this step for everyone. You will then set the timer for 10 minutes. Everyone agrees to work as fast and hard as they can for 10 minutes. When they get done, they tell you. You can choose to give them another job or have them help someone else finish. When the 10-minute timer goes off, everyone freezes again.
You will tell them, “Thank you!” and everyone will leave that room.
It’s a miracle!
PLANNING
A bit of pre-work is needed for your 10-minute miracle to arrive. You will need to choose the room to be targeted and the time of day. I suggest the room where your children have their toys and play the most. Make sure you have appropriate boxes, bins, baskets, or shelving that they can use to store the toys. You will also need proper cleaning tools and supplies. Consider how age-appropriate these tools and supplies are for your child.
Plan on a time of day when they will not immediately return to the room to play. A good choice is before going outside, at lunchtime, or at nap time. When they transition to another activity, you can share with them that the room still needs some work. During said activity, they will get another 5-minute warning and return to take on the mess again.
Look over the room and plan to pick it up BEFORE you have a 5-minute warning. After the five-minute warning, the clock is ticking, and you may not have enough time to plan. Write down your plan, and maybe make a few notes on your phone. This will help to keep you on track during the 10-minute miracle sprint.
It may take a few rounds of tackling the mess, but once you get things in shape, you will be amazed at how quickly you can tidy things.
After the timer goes off: Look around, verbalize all that was just accomplished, and thank them for their hard work. This will be the most challenging part, but so very important in building trust… WALK AWAY! MOVE ON! GO TO THE NEXT ACTIVITY! Make sure EVERYONE leaves the room and transitions to something else. (e.g., go outside to play, eat a meal, take a bath, go to bed).
My favorite color is CLEAN!
Painting the vision of forward motion...
REWARD
A reward system boosts morale and encourages hard work. If you don't want to use money, use special privileges like X-Box, TV shows, or fun activities
COMBINE
Combine 10 MIN MIRACLES with regular activities such as meal time, outings, bath time, or bedtime.
WRITE
Start a list of things your family can accomplish in 10 minutes. Keep that list handy. (e.g., on a note-taking app, or in a notebook) Refer to that list when you are ready to clean up.
"HELPFUL" PERSONALITY #1
THE MANAGER
The gifted manager is most likely a born leader. They see the big picture just like you do. They tend to want to sit and “manage” the rest of the crew. If you are not careful, they will call the shots, and you will work for them. They are that good! They probably are just getting bored with the job. Make sure you have clear expectations for their job in the room. But, the best way to handle them is to increase the difficulty of their job. Teach them how to use the vacuum cleaner or the mop. OR Have them organize something that requires a great deal of concentration.
.
"HELPFUL" PERSONALITY #2
THE FENCE RATTLER
The fence rattler likes to see how far they can push you before you give up. You will need to make sure that you allow yourself to transition thinking during the 5-minute warning. Be prepared to gently re-direct them. If you already know that you have a child like this, you may also need to explain the consequences of not having a good attitude and focusing on the task. Perhaps they have to sit in time out. At the same time, everyone else plays, they may have to go to bed earlier than everyone else, they may not get to play a game they wanted to play, or they may be paid only for the time they worked (e.g., Everyone else gets $1, and they only get 20 cents because they were observed only to work 2 minutes).
"HELPFUL" PERSONALITY #3
THE CLASS CLOWN
The class clown wants to entertain everyone. Tactics from the two previous paragraphs apply here with the exception that if they distract everyone, they will be responsible for cleaning the room after the 10-minute timer goes off and the room still needs work. In contrast, everyone else moves on to the next activity. (It’s painful when clowns don’t have an audience.)
.
"HELPFUL" PERSONALITY #4
THE SLOTH
Like watching a movie in slow motion, there is that child that figures out he won’t have to expend as much energy if he adjusts his speed to that of a sloth. UGH! This one causes me to turn all shades of red as I blow steam out of both ears! Again, setting clear expectations of rewards and consequences is critical. If they need inspiration, give them something to race against, you did this job in 8 minutes last time; see if you can do it in 7 minutes this time. If it comes down to it, explain that they have to finish the job even if the timer goes off and they are not finished.
.
"HELPFUL" PERSONALITY #5
THE DRAMA QUEEN
And last but so very not least is the drama queen. Again, you can use a combination of the tactics mentioned above. Keep in mind that even the most helpful child can get dramatic if they are tired. Know it takes everyone a while to acclimate to this new habit. If that is the case, get some extra rest, or decrease the number of times you perform the Ten Minute Miracle daily. If it is just that your drama queen is being dramatic, try a one-minute pre-game dance party. After the 5-minute warning is up, start the music and give them one minute to dance. Be clear about expectations. You will dance for 1 minute; then the music will stop so we can freeze and get our jobs. Then we will work for 10 minutes without complaining or arguing. Be consistent with rewards and consequences. Drama queens tend to find ANYTHING to be dramatic about. Sometimes a little dance party shakes off the stress and helps them to get some control and focus. If it doesn’t, you may have to follow up with consequences. Make sure to pre-talk about the expectations BEFORE you start the 5-minute warning. It will help them to transition.
NOW...WHAT IF
I told you you could make an even bigger dent and prepare your kids for adulting ALL AT THE SAME TIME?
Don’t miss out on this amazing package
-
BITE SIZE
-
NO FUSS
-
SOCIAL
-
AND MOST IMPORTANT– RELATEABLE
